Bubba’s Philosophy of Fictional Conflict

According to legend, there is a small speck floating alone in a vast, empty forgotten stretch of the universe that has not experienced conflict. Unless you happen to be this miniscule particle (and I think the likelihood is low), conflict is a part of your identity. If, by some freakish chance, you are that tiny speck, you just ruined a perfectly good setup. I hope you’re happy with yourself.

Anyway, people have created a number of different techniques to handling, resolving, avoiding, causing, and denying conflict. In the real world, there are several ways to deal with it. Fiction, however, is not the real world.

Here’s the issue. For many years, authors, editors, publishers, and university professors who have never held a real job have developed a set a rules for each other that govern the ways in which a story may be told. Those who follow the rules are “good” and those who do not are “subhuman illiterate hacks.” Some of these rules govern and define our culture’s Philosophy of Fictional Conflict.

Tyrannical Rule #1: Conflict must exist between a minimum of two parties and a maximum of three. Conflicts with less than two parties make no sense and shall not be permitted. Fights between four or more parties confuse the minuscule and fragile minds of readers and are, therefore, banned. Conflicts between fractional numbers are ridiculous and may cause an editor’s head to explode. Irrational numbers are right out. Authors who flout this law will be ridiculed and chastised in public by their betters until they either surrender their right to write or shrivel in shame. We’re good with either outcome.

Tyrannical Rule #2: All conflict must be created in such a way that the antagonist must be omniscient and omnipotent. Evil must always be infinitely stronger than good. The protagonist must have absolutely no reasonable chance of success. The antagonist must also have one weakness. Two or more weaknesses will not be allowed under any circumstances.

Tyrannical Rule #3: No matter how impossible or unlikely, all conflict must be resolved in only one way. The protagonist must overcome all obstacles through extreme debilitating suffering. Regardless of the mechanisms or methodologies employed by the protagonist, the only reason the protagonist wins the fight with their antagonist is by persevering through immense suffering just a moment longer than the antagonist. No other method of resolution will be allowed for any reason. Any suggestion that a conflict can be overcome by any other means will be met with extreme hatred, explosive derision, and the panicked shrieking of all good authors, editors, publishers, and university professors who have never held a real job.

Tyrannical Rule #4: No variation, deviation, or modification of these laws will be tolerated. Any author who dares question one or more of these rules will no longer be allowed to think with their own brain. Only authors who conform completely in every conceivable way to these laws will be considered “creative.”

Well, I disagree. I’ve listened to my fellow authors. I’ve heard their point of view. I understand that using commonly accepted thought processes and storytelling methods makes it much easier for a reader to predict how a story will go before they ever crack it open. That’s my problem with it. I want to be surprised by the story. I want it to go places that I didn’t expect and for the characters to do things I didn’t predict. To that end, I have created Bubba’s Philosophy of Fictional Conflict.

Bubba’s Rule #1: Conflict comes in all shapes and sizes. It’s a part of the character’s personality, world, and culture. Some are sharp and intense while others are more trivial. Characters facing different types of conflict will appear more solid than those that only face one at a time.

Bubba’s Rule #2: Neither protagonists, antagonists or any other fictional characters are all powerful or all knowing. Get over it. Some may be stronger than others, but attempting to ramp up the drama by exaggerating the antagonist’s power is pathetic and weak. Having a protagonist find and exploit an antagonist’s one and only weakness is predictable and, therefore, to be met with a sarcastic eye-roll.

Bubba’s Rule #3: Conflict resolution must not be predictable. Protagonists may overcome obstacles in any number of ways including outwitting, surprising, appeasing, distracting, or talking with the antagonist. Conflict resolution that can be predicted before a book has been opened must be the one form of resolution that cannot be used. Any suggestion that conflict must be resolved only by suffering will be met with water balloons filled with jellyfish.

Bubba’s Rule #4: Exceptions will be made for each and every rule as necessary to fit the story. Rules will be considered to be guidelines rather than absolutes. Authors are required to think with their own brains.

Bubba’s Rule #5: Bubba’s Rules shall not be binding on any other person. No other author, editor, publisher, or university professor who has never held a real job will be required or expected to comprehend or accept these rules.

After all, I’m not looking for an argument.

Hasta la Vista, Double Space

It’s been coming for a long time, but I’m too old and slow to be happy about it. Double space… I grew up double spacing after every sentence. It’s automatic. I can’t help it, no matter how hard I try.

Here’s the issue. The rules have changed. In the old days, before inventions like “fire” started to catch on, books were printed with monospace fonts. These fonts utilized fixed widths, meaning that all characters took up the same amount of horizontal space on the page. The double space after the end of each sentence was utilized to help the reader visually recognize the end of the sentence.

With the disappearance of monospace fonts, the Powers that Be have decreed that single spacing shall be the law of the land. When the ruling came down, some of us gave it the same amount of attention we devoted to adopting the metric system and the promises of politicians. Frustrated by our lack of obedience, the Lords and Masters of Literature railed against our ignorance, glared at us in a Most Evil Manner, and threw legendary temper tantrums.

Just when they began to despair, the Internet brought us eBooks. With the advent of eBooks, came the self-publishing revolution. “Aha!” they exclaimed while wiping their runny noses. Although they were temporarily embarrassed at being caught using an exclamation point, the Literary Elite decreed that any fool who produced an eBook containing double spacing would be labeled an amateur, worthy of derisive finger pointing, snickering, and mockery.

And so it ends. Who in their right mind would willingly expose themselves to such a terrible fate? Horrified at the prospect of this dismal future, independent authors bowed in humble submission. The tide has now turned. What was once considered a matter of preference is now Immutable Law. The few who miss the double space are told that they are too old to matter anymore. Insistence on double spacing will not be tolerated in the new society.

Is this really worth all the screaming? Do the self-appointed Rulers of the Written Word have nothing more important to do than to hold hissy-fit parties about double spacing? Isn’t it enough that they’ve ordered that all books will eliminate their use of adverbs, most punctuation, adjectives, long words, and multiple story lines? Will they only be satisfied once we’ve been reduced to pointing at crudely drawn images and grunting?

Wait. I just had some coffee. I feel better now. Ok, I can do this single space thing now. Never mind.

 

Wyrd!

Recently, a group of self-published authors gathered together on Goodreads.com and decided to create a science fiction / fantasy anthology.  12 authors wrote 14 short stories for this project.  I was honored to submit a story to this collection. 

We called this tome, Wyrd Worlds.  The eBook is available for free on Smashwords.com at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/355249.  If you enjoy speculative fiction, short stories, or things that are free, I urge you to download a copy.  This anthology contains a wide variety of tales by some excellent authors.  

I hope you enjoy reading the book as much as we enjoyed writing it.  We’d love to hear your feedback, comments, questions, and/or reviews.